Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
