Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
