so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
