Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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