I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize