he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
they're like a gay fantastic four
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
