found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
