You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize