oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
