I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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