I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
