Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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