That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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