I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
