nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
