maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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