Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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