Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
