check it out our google latitudes are spooning
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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