That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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