I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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