No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
