I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
