So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
