It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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