i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
