Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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