I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize