Whod you bang
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
