never play flip cup with pint glasses
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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