i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
