1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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