my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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