I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
