I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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