Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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