So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
