Only a mothe r could love this liver
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
