she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
