The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
