I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
