How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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