at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
