p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
