Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
