all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
