I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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