i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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