He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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