Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
