Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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