Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
