doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
