you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
