Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
