I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
