to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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