this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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