At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
someone owes me an orgasm
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
