You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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