Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
