Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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