So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
