Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize
