We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
