..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i've created a new STD.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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