my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
