He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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