he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
