JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
