worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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