A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
