OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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