I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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