We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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