everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
