If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
