Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Randomize
