I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
try to milk me bitch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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