either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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