Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
