I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
