How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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