my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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