Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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