some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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