spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
