Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
