There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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