At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize