Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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