Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
