i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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