we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize