Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
