1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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