I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
