I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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