I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
