Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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