Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
