i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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