So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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