I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
