I wish I only lived at night.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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