This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
