I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
