so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
