i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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