and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
