i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
