forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
