i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize