you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
