Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
