I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
