Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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