She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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