The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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